For ages, women have come together over coffee, cocktails, or late-night phone chats to analyze the puzzling behavior of men.
He’s afraid to get hurt again.
Maybe he doesn’t want to ruin the friendship.
Maybe he’s intimidated by me.
He just got out of a relationship.
Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo are here to say that—despite good intentions—you’re wasting your time. Men are not complicated, although they’d like you to think they are. And there are no mixed messages.
The truth may be, He’s just not that into you.
Unfortunately, guys are too terrified to ever directly tell a woman, “You're not the one.” But their actions absolutely show how they feel.
Reexamining familiar scenarios and classic mindsets that keep us in unsatisfying relationships, Behrendt and Tuccillo’s wise and wry understanding of the sexes spares women hours of waiting by the phone, obsessing over the details with sympathetic girlfriends, and hoping his mixed messages really mean, “I’m in love with you and want to be with you.”
He’s Just Not That Into You is provocative, hilarious, and, above all, intoxicatingly liberating. It deserves a place on every woman’s night table. It knows you’re a beautiful, smart, funny woman who deserves better. The next time you feel the need to start “figuring him out,” consider the glorious thought that maybe, He’s just not that into you. And then set yourself loose to go find the one who is.
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About the Author
Comedian Greg Behrendt was a consultant for three consecutive seasons on Sex and the City, where he and Liz Tucillo, a writer on the programme, developed the idea of He's Just Not That Into You. The book became a runaway success in the US. His acclaimed stand-up comedy has been seen on HBO, The Tonight Show, Late Show with David Letterman and Late Night with Conan O'Brien. He lives in Los Angeles with his wife, Amiira Ruotola-Behrendt, and their two children
Liz Tuccillo was the executive story editor of HBO's Emmy-winning Sex and the City and has also written for Off Broadway. She co-wrote He’s Just Not That Into You with Greg Behdrendt, and lives in New York City.
Read an Excerpt
Chapter One: he's just not that into you if he's not asking you out
Because if he likes you, trust me, he will ask you out
Many women have said to me, "Greg, men run the world." Wow. That makes us sound pretty capable. So tell me, why would you think we could be incapable of something as simple as picking up the phone and asking you out? You seem to think at times that we're "too shy" or we "just got out of something." Let me remind you: Men find it very satisfying to get what they want. (Particularly after a difficult day of running the world.) If we want you, we will find you. If you don't think you gave him enough time to notice you, take the time it took you to notice him and divide it by half.
Now you begin the life-changing experience of reading our book. We have put the stories we have heard and questions we've been asked in a simple question-and-answer format. If you're lucky, you'll read the following questions and know what they are: Excuses that women have made for their unsatisfying situations. If you're not so lucky, we've also included handy titles to clue you in.
The "Maybe He Doesn't Want to Ruin the Friendship" Excuse
I'm so disappointed. I have this friend that I've known platonically for about ten years. He lives in a different city and recently he was in town for work, so we met for dinner. All of a sudden it felt like we were on a date. He was completely flirting with me. He even said to me, as he was checking me out, "So, what, you're working the whole 'model thing' now?" (That's flirting, right?) We both agreed that we should get together again soon. Well, Greg, I'm disappointed because it's been two weeks and he hasn't called me. Can I call him? He might be nervous about turning the friendship into romance. Can't I give him a nudge now? Isn't that what friends are for?
Dear Friendly Girl,
Two weeks is two weeks, except when it's ten years and two weeks. That's how long ago he decided whether or not he could date a model or a girl who looks like one. Can you be a pal and give him a nudge? Nudge away, friendster -- but watch how fast that nudge doesn't get a return phone call. And if your dinner/date did feel different to him, it's been two weeks and he's had time to think about it and decide he's just not that into you. Here's the truth: Guys don't mind messing up a friendship if it could lead to sex, whether it be a "fuck buddy" situation or a meaningful romance. Go find someone that lives in your zip code who will be rocked to the core by your deep conversation and model looks.
I hate to tell you, but that whole "I don't want to ruin the friendship" excuse is a racket. It works so well because it seems so wise. Sex could mess up a friendship. Unfortunately, in the entire history of mankind, that excuse has never ever been used by someone who actually means it. If we're really excited about someone, we can't stop ourselves -- we want more. If we're friends with someone and attracted to them, we're going to want to take it further. And please, don't tell me he's just "scared." The only thing he's scared of -- and I say this with a lot of love -- is how not attracted to you he is.
The "Maybe He's Intimidated by Me" Excuse
I have a crush on my gardener. He's been potting the plants on my patio. It was hot, I saw him without his shirt on, he was hot, and now I'm hot for him. I brought out some beers and we talked. I think he wants to ask me out but is afraid, because he is my hired man. In this situation, can't I ask him out?
Dear My Secret Garden,
He's capable of asking you out. Haven't you ever seen a porno? Hope he gets there before the pizza guy. But seriously, if he didn't pick up the vibe after the beer garden, it has nothing to do with you being his big boss lady. Time to stop and smell the bad news: He's just not that into you.
Let me say it again, sexual harassment rules and workplace memos notwithstanding, a guy will ask out a woman of higher status if he's into her. He might need a little more encouragement than normal, I'll give you that. You might have to lead Johnny the Office Boy or Phillipe the Exterminator to water, but you better not help him ask you out. Once again, ladies, a wink and a smile will do it.
By the way, why are you dating the exterminator?
Just kidding, he's a good guy.
The "Maybe He Wants to Take It Slow" Excuse
There's this guy who calls me all the time. He's recently divorced, and in AA. We got back in touch recently, had lots of phone calls, and then hung out twice in one week and it was real cool. No flirting or making out or anything, but fun. Since then, he calls me all the time but doesn't ever suggest we see each other in person again. It's like he got scared or something. I would understand if because of the divorce/alcoholic/starting-a-whole-new-life stuff he wanted to take things slow. But he still calls me all the time to have long heart-to-heart talks. What the hell should I do with this guy?
Dear Pillow Talk,
Sadly, not wanting to see you in person is massive as far as dating obstacles go. And as far as the recently divorced/newly sober/starting-a-new-life parts, blah blah blah, I'm getting sleepy, it's hot, I'm going down for a nap. When I wake up from that nap I'll probably thrill to the news that your friend is taking control of his life. You, however, will still not be going on a date, because despite all your excuses for him, he's still not asking you out. Now, if you're a person who enjoys a slightly satisfying phone relationship, talk on! But at this point it seems like he's just not that into you. Be his friend if you're at all interested on that level, but move your romantic inclinations onto a more suitable future husband.
If a guy truly likes you, but for personal reasons he needs to take things slow, he will let you know that immediately. He won't keep you guessing, because he'll want to make sure you don't get frustrated and go away.
The "But He Gave Me His Number" Excuse
I met a really cute guy at a bar this week. He gave me his number and told me to give him a call sometime. I thought that was kind of cool, that he gave me control of the situation like that. I can call him, right?
Dear Control Freak,
Did he give you control, or did he just get you to do the heavy lifting? What he just did was a magic trick: It seems like he gave you control, but really he now gets to decide if he wants to go out with you -- or even return your call. Why don't you take Copperfield's number, roll it in a newspaper, pour milk in it, and make it disappear.
"Give me a call." "E-mail me." "Tell Joey we should all hang out sometime." Don't let him trick you into asking him out. When men want you, they do the work. I know it sounds old school, but when men like women, they ask them out.
The "Maybe He Forgot to Remember Me" Excuse
Okay, Greg. Listen to this one: I was at a conference for work and met a guy from another branch of my company. We hit it off immediately. He was just about to ask for my number, I swear, when the Big Blackout of 2003 happened. In the mayhem, I didn't get to give him my number. I think the Big Blackout of 2003 is a good enough excuse to call him, don't you think? It's only common courtesy for me to check up on him, right? If I don't call, he's probably going to be all sad thinking that I'm just not that into him.
Dear Judy Blackout,
The city blacked out. He didn't. You said you work for different branches of the same company. Certainly he wouldn't have to break a sweat to scroll through the company staff roster or interoffice e-mail listing to find you. And should he not be as resourceful as you are...I imagine that he has a mother, sister, or female friend that could show him how, if he was really interested.
P.S.: Shame on you for using an eastern seaboard disaster as an excuse to call a guy up.
Have faith. You made an impression. Leave it at that. If he likes you, he'll still remember you after the tsunami, flood, or Red Sox loss. If he doesn't, he's not worth your time. Know why? You are great. (Now, don't get cocky.)
The "Maybe I Don't Want to Play Games" Excuse
This is dumb. I know you're not supposed to call guys, but I call guys all the time because I don't care! I don't want to play games. I do whatever I want! I've called guys tons of times. You're such a square, Greg. Why do you think we can't call guys and ask them out?
Because we don't like it. Okay, some guys might like it, but they're just lazy. And who wants to go out with Lazy Guy? It's that simple. I didn't make the rules and I might not even agree with them. Please don't be mad at me, Nikki. I'm not advocating that women go back to the Stone Age. I just think you might want to be realistic in how capable you are of changing the primordial impulses that drive all of human nature.
Or maybe you're the chosen one.
Men, for the most part, like to pursue women. We like not knowing if we can catch you. We feel rewarded when we do. Especially when the chase is a long one. We know there was a sexual revolution. (We loved it.) We know women are capable of running governments, heading multinational corporations, and raising loving children -- sometimes all at the same time. That, however, doesn't make men different.
IT'S SO SIMPLE
Imagine right now that I'm leaping up and down and shaking my fist at the sky. I'm on my knees pleading with you. I'm saying this in a loud voice: "Please, if you can trust one thing I say in this book, let it be this: When it comes to men, deal with us as we are, not how you'd like us to be." I know it's an infuriating concept -- that men like to chase and you have to let us chase you. I know. It's insulting. It's frustrating. It's unfortunately the truth. My belief is that if you have to be the aggressor, if you have to pursue, if you have to do the asking out, nine times out of ten, he's just not that into you. (And we want you to believe you're one of the nine, ladies!) I can't say it loud enough: You, the superfox reading this book, are worth asking out.
HERE'S WHY THIS ONE IS HARD, by Liz
Well, it's obvious. Are you telling us that we have to just sit around and wait? I don't know about you, but I find that infuriating. I was brought up to believe that hard work and good planning are the keys to making your dreams come true. I spent my life making things happen for myself. I worked hard for my career, and was quite aggressive about it. I called people, made appointments, asked for favors. I took action. But now Greg is telling us that in this situation, we are supposed to do absolutely nothing. The guys get to pick. We're just supposed to put on our little dresses and do our hair and bat our eyes and hope they choose us. Why don't you just tie my corset too tight so I can faint in front of some man who'll scoop me out of the way just before the horse-drawn carriage runs over me? That'll get his attention.
Really, in this day and age, the hardest thing to do for many women, particularly me, is nothing. We like to scheme, make phone calls, have a plan. And I'm talking about more than just making sure our hair doesn't frizz. Most women who date, I would guess, don't have men throwing themselves at them every night of the week. Sometimes there's a long stretch during which nobody's asking us out. So when we see a guy that we feel might be a romantic possibility, it's even harder for us to take a backseat. That opportunity might not come back again for a long time.
But guess what: My way? Has sucked. Hasn't worked at all. I've never had a successful relationship with a guy that I've pursued. I'm sure there are many stories out there to the contrary. But for me, those guys end up getting back together with their ex-girlfriend, needing to take some time for themselves, or going out of town for business. Usually it doesn't even get that far. They usually just don't ever return my phone call. And let me tell you, that didn't make me feel very in control of anything.
Since I've been implementing Greg's handy-dandy "he's just not that into you" philosophy, I've been feeling surprisingly more powerful. Because if the men are asking you out, if the men have to get your attention, then you, in fact, are the one in control. There's no scheming and plotting. And there is something great about knowing that my only job is to be as happy as I can be about my life, and feel as good as I can about myself, and to lead as full and eventful a life as I can, so that it doesn't ever feel like I'm just waiting around for some guy to ask me out. And most importantly, it's good for us all to remember that we don't need to scheme and plot and beg to get someone to ask us out. We're fantastic.
THIS IS WHAT IT SHOULD LOOK LIKE, by Greg
One night I was drinking in a bar and flirting with the bartender. I asked for her number. She said, "I don't give out my phone number because guys rarely call me when they say they're going to. My name is Lindsey Adams, and if you want to call me, find my phone number." Which I did -- the very next day. Do you know how many Lindsey Adams there are in the phone book of a major city? Let's just say I talked to about eight or nine before I found mine.
An actor we work with met a girl while he was making a public appearance on an aircraft carrier. He lost track of her in about ten minutes. And yet, because he was so smitten, he somehow managed to track her down in the army, and they are now married.
GREG, I GET IT! By Leslie, age 29
Greg! I get it. I went to this party and I met this guy. We started talking immediately by ourselves, off in a corner. He asked if I was single and seemed pleased when I said I was. Whenever we split up to talk to other people, or to get drinks or whatever, he always kept his eye on me. It was really cool. I was all excited and fluttery with that "Oh my God, I think I just met someone!" feeling. He didn't ask for my number, but we know lots of people in common, so I thought he was just playing it cool. He never called me! And you know what? Normally I would call our mutual friends and start fishing and trying to figure out what happened and maybe try to find another way to see him again. But instead, I'm just going to move on! Who cares what his deal is. He's not asking me out, so why should I start obsessing over him? I'm just going to go out tonight and try to meet someone else.
IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE GREG
We did an incredibly unscientific poll where we polled twenty of our male friends (ranging from ages twenty-six to forty-five), who are in serious long-term relationships. Not one of their relationships started with the woman asking them out first. One guy even said that if she had, "It would have spoiled all the fun."
What You Should Have Learned in This Chapter
An excuse is a polite rejection. Men are not afraid of "ruining the friendship."
Don't get tricked into asking him out. If he likes you, he'll do the asking.
If you can find him, then he can find you. If he wants to find you, he will.
Just because you like to lead doesn't mean he wants to dance. Some traditions are born of nature and last through time for a reason.
"Hey, let's meet at so-and-so's party/any bar/friend's house" is not a date. Even if you live in New York.
Men don't forget how much they like you. So put down the phone.
You are good enough to be asked out.
Our Super-Good Really Helpful Workbook
Hey, what's a self-help tome without a workbook? Our chapters will all be so brave and wise that we want to make sure you retain as much of the brilliance as you can. So for all of you who feel the need to get out of your problems and into your crayon box, have at it.
Greg and Liz
Remember in grade school how they told you not to write in your textbooks? Screw that! Grab a pen and list five reasons why you think you have every right or good reason to call him.
Put the book aside and wait an hour. Or at least ten minutes. Then ask yourself: Do I seem pathetic? Do I sound like someone who doesn't trust my own innate hotness? Yes,you do! Now put your dialing finger away, get out of the house, and go find some fun.
P.S.: You just did a workbook exercise about a guy who hasn't even extended to you the energy of a phone call. Why would you want to chase that down?
Text copyright © 2004 by Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
Table of Contentstable of contents
Introduction by Liz
Introduction by Greg
You Are All Dating the Same Guy
1 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Asking You Out
2 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Calling You
3 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Dating You
4 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Not Having Sex with You
5 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Having Sex with Someone Else
6 He's Just Not That Into You If He Only Wants to See You When He's Drunk
7 He's Just Not That Into You If He Doesn't Want to Marry You
8 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Breaking Up with You
9 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Disappeared on You
10 He's Just Not That Into You If He's Married (and Other Insane Variations of Being Unavailable)
11 He's Just Not That Into You If He's a Selfish Jerk, a Bully, or a Really Big Freak
12 Don't Listen to These Stories
13 Now What Do You Do?
14 Q&A with Greg
15 Closing Remarks from Greg
16 Closing Remarks from Liz
Most Helpful Customer Reviews
I loved this book and loved every minute reading this.
A friend of mine raved about this book, so in spite of the put-down sounding title (which I think also generalizes men, and women), I picked up a copy. And yes, was disappointed. The book focuses on excuses women make to convince themselves that men are 'into them' when they're 'not.' First, I thought the points were obvious - for example, a man who doesn't call when he says he would. According to the book, if he doesn't, he's not into you. Second, there could be a multitude of reasons why that aren't related to how into you he is or isn't. But that being said, the reasons may not matter. For the more appropriate question in my view is 'How do you want to be treated in a relationship?' To instead ask whether or not 'he's into you' is to assume that he's finding you lacking in some way. Yes, the book says you're great, pretty, etc. but if the authors really believe that, then why all the repetition of the only reason a guy isn't acting like Prince Charming is that you don't interest him enough (with the token positive comment added on after all the negativity)? Perhaps the guy is unavailable for other reasons - past relationship bruises, his present level of emotional maturity and readiness to love, etc. To assume it's all about the woman, and whether he thinks she merits his attention is simplistic, and disempowering for women and men. Also, I don't think many women would want to be involved with or marry a man who treated her well only because he was 'into her' and had treated other women poorly because he wasn't into them. Not me anyway - only a man who treats all women and men well is worth it, in my book. This book doesn't match my personal experience either - of a couple of men who'd told me they'd been too nervous to ask me out for a very long time, of the male friends who'd told me they'd been so broken by their previous relationships that they feared getting into another one (and I witnessed their hesitation for years - and yes - the women they married did a lot of the work in the beginning), of the men I know who have told me that they often 'reject before being rejected' etc. So what's of value here? The hint that deciding what kind of relationship you want and seeking someone who treats you well (though hopefully because of who he is as a person, not his evaluation of you). But there are plenty of books out there written by people who possess and offer much deeper knowledge of relationships than the writers of this book, and who offer it in a way that is affirming, rather than negative. One title that goes to the heart of relationships in a positive and clear way is 'The New Couple,' by Maurice Taylor and Seana McGee. A book written for men by a psychologist (also a man) but that I think many women would find very helpful is 'When Good Men Behave Badly' by David Wexler (yes, another cliche title - and possibly one that's off- putting to men[!] - but the content of the book is solid, deep and respectful of people. I've found it countless times more helpful than this one). On a more general level, Don Miguel Ruiz's books - 'The Four Agreements,' 'The Mastery of Love' and 'The Voice of Knowledge' are helpful reminders of all the 'stories' that are told in our culture (like those in this book) - and how they distort reality and how damaging they can be to our healthy and happy functioning. In questions of relationship, I think it's good to turn towards people who have knowledge (psychologists for example) and write with maturity in this area. The content of this particular book stays on the surface of the things, and I think is presented in a unnecessarily negative manner that puts women down. Not something I'd recommend to anyone, and I'm concerned about all the hype over this one - for I think it can steer women in an unhealthy direction, where we ask the wrong ques
I watched the movie first which prompted me to purchase the book. I read it in an evening. I could not put it down. A friend had told me the book would upset me due to the way it portrays women. Sorry friend, but the book is accurate. Ladies, we act as though we are questioning men's behaviors when what we really want is to not recognize them for what they are. They are clearly communicating to us. We just need to understand their language. This book teaches you "Manlish" so you can now understand. Read the book. It is empowering. Ladies, there is nothing more you can do and no more of a person you can be than who you are to convince a man to love you. Love yourself more!
I was a frustrated dater when I picked up this book, and i ended up not finding what i was looking for in it, but that was just because my issues with men wasn't covered at all in this book. Whether you end up hating or loving the book, it does offer a nice excuse for women to continue to be picky. The main purpose, of women's over-analysis of men and also the way women make excuses for guys, truly points out that men are not as complex as women make them out to be. Even though it was hard to read or accept I found the book refreshing. The willingness to accept Greg's idea varies from person to person
Its something that you know deep down is true, but you don't vocalize. You want to believe that you're the exception, but the truth is, guys are all the same: he's just not that into you. And this book has a witty, non-hurtful way of bringing that point home. Something that every independent female this day and age should read and laugh about.
This was a wonderful book. It truly opened my eyes to the kinds of men I don't want to be around. I love how the authors gave the male and female perspectives. What a great book!
This book was recommended to me by a coworker who wanted me to read it so badly she even lent me her copy. I loved it and I didn't want to give it back! Now I'm purchasing my own copy and have been raving about it to many of my friends, single or not. And yes we know a lot of it is common sense, but some of us need to hear it anyway. One of my favorite things about reading this book were the '100% of men polled... were not too busy to pick up the phone...' because i could just picture the men answering honestly when they werent concerned about the girl they just werent that into hearing them. Another favorite irony about this book was how he (the one i've been in a long term on and off relationship with) would always call to tell me he missed me or couldnt wait to see me, whenever i picked up the book to remind me of how perfect things should be and used to be and how not perfect and inconsistant they are now. This book is an excellent guide to those in and in between 'relationships'!!!!
I think this can really clue women in, but it's a little too absolute about the simplicity of men. If I followed the advice in this book, I wouldn't be with my husband. We were friends for three years before getting together, even though I had wanted more from the start. He seemed unsure for a long time about the possibility of romance between us, and told me the classic 'I'm not ready to commit.' I did lay off, but still pined away for him. If I followed the advice in this book I would have had to let go far too early. Maybe my man is not as simple as the men in this book. He truly needed time. We eventually discovered a great love in each other, and when this happened, he was more commited to me, at first, than I to him. Enjoy the book, but don't let this book oversimplify men.
I bought this book for someone else, but started to read it and realized i WAS being used! It changed my life. I read this book in one sitting and loved it. My guess is some women will still be in denial after reading this book, but they can't say they weren't warned. Thank you for writing this. I hope others will be bold and take this important advice.
This is a dating/relationship book that is truly enlightening. It's good stuff to know and shouldn't be overlooked. I hightly recommend it.
I think there are so good points in the book. But basically I think that every women knows this stuff just doesn't want to admit it to herself. I didn't find it to helpful and will be passing the book off to someone else. Good, informative books I keep, have highlighted and marked off pages and buy new ones to give to my friends. This one, I am giving away to some teenager.
This is the stuff your father would have told you if he'd been able to articulate as well. I expect many women will want to argue the theories in the book, but a little honest self-analysis should show them the truth. We all get tired of waiting, but really, which is worse, being in a bad relationship or being alone and happy? I'll take the latter anyday!
I think this is just a good book for all people to follow. Men and women. It had some very funny parts.
I was hoping for more of a story type novel but this was in the self help section of the bookstore. It was written in a question and answer format. I liked the book and wanted to read it before the movie came out. It is certainly insightful for all women, in any stage of life, in a humorious sort of way. Enjoyed the book overall.
I love this book its funny. and points out all the crap that women put up with. This book isnt gunna make a guy that is not intrested in you like you. its guna show you that sumthings wrong with you if your putting up with a guys crap. my momma always says a guy will only do to you what you allow. think about it.
This is the only book I ever,in my life, threw away without its being damaged somehow. The 'author' purports to be trying to empower women by saying they deserve better than what certain men give them. I don't dispute that women deserve better, but frankly this book just gives rotten, inconsiderate men an out!! If, after reading this book, a woman tosses out a guy who isn't 'that into her' by the book's standards, all she has done is let him off the hook for his crummy behavior. I'm surprised more women haven't commented on this. The book claims men would do anything rather than say something to a woman that he knows she doesn't want to hear. Well, maybe as women, we should start making them do the hard thing and talking to us, not letting them off the hook easily by saying, 'Oh, he just isn't into me.' Maybe he isn't, but make him say it!! We say it to them, right? So don't bother with this book unless what you really want is an excuse to let somebody get off easy, again!!
This book is a tough one. It's got a really good message--when to move on when a guy is just not interested. However, it can make you face up to some issues you might be having, inadvertantely. I do recommend it because the message is one some of us need to hear, it's just hard. But then again, it's better than having egg on your face. All in all, a good book with a message that might be slightly unsettling. He's not into you, so move on. No biggie.
Cute book - only read it for the "Sex in the City" aspect of it.
This is a book you pass along to your gal-pals when they are in need. Rock solid, humorous advice to remind us that we are, indeed, superfoxes.
This was okay but as I was reading it, I couldn't help but think this is ALL common sense!
This book changed my life. All single girls (and those in crappy relationships) must read!
A funny, but all too true book about the men women try to date. It goes through all different types or men and attaches an excuse to them, as to why it's just not working out. The format is a quick, easy read. It has a "Dear Abby" style to it's writing. The authors are pretty right on, with their advice, even though it's not what you may want to hear.
He¿s Just Not That Into You is mainly written by self-proclaimed "bad guy" Greg Behrendt who was a consultant on the show "Sex and the City". He bluntly explains why men act the way they do and how women should interpret their actions. We also get the female version through Liz Tuccillo¿s words (also a consultant for SATC). What I liked most about this book is that the authors never make the reader feel as if they have to change who they are in order to snag a guy. This book is about learning how to deal with the men in your relationships and realizing when the time has come to cut your losses and just move on.Overall, a great insight into the way a man¿s mind works and also a hilariously funny read. I found myself laughing out loud on several occasions!Although this book is a self-help book (which did not really apply to me), I can say that I learned one thing from it and that was to realize how much my husband was really into me when we were dating and still is after 10 years. Some parts that I thought were great:"My favorite innocent words and phrases that can be used for evil:1. " I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you"2. " Fear of Intimacy"3. " Busy"4. " Im not ready"5. "Call me''True meaning: He does not really like you!"" Women don't need to plot, scheme, and beg to get someone to ask us out. We are fantastic."A definite must read for any single girl out there that could use a little inside information and a push in the right direction.
I wish I would have reaf this book when I was in my 20's and 30's. I am 42 but still found this important on dating/relationships right on the money. I am going to recommend this book to my 20 year old daughter. The main thing to be gotten out of this book is don't revolve your life around a guy. Guys can be part of our lives but we must not make them our whole life. I esp. liked chapter 10: He's just not that into you if he's married(and other insane variations of being unavailable). I once had a crush on a marreid man but it never went beyond that. He's marriied and I respect that and him. And I didn't want to be that girl. No one should want to be that girl/woman. remember let the guy find you when he's ready. If the guy wants to talk to you , he will.
This book was recommended to me by a friend. She told me that it is just the kick up the ar@e that single girls like us need. I don't read a great deal of non-fiction, but I am an SATC fan, and knowing that the authors were writers on the programme helped me decide to give He's Just Not That Into You a shot.First of all, it's funny. Relationships can be that way when you're not involved in them. Secondly, Greg Behrendt is so straight-talking it will make you wince, but the hook with this book is that he's a guy claiming to understand guyspeak and guy behaviour. Whether you want to hear the truth or not, Greg is going to tell you anyway. And it isn't sugar-coated, as your female friends might make it. The upshot, for those looking for a shortcut to the heart of the matter in matters of the heart, is that if a male is really interested in a female, he will let her know. He will pursue her for a date, phone when he promises to, and treat her well. Greg's premise is that if any of this is NOT happening, then he's just not that into you. For a guy, it's really that simple (says Greg). If you are a lady and you are dealing with a male who cannot treat you as you deserve to be treated (i.e. with respect), then it is your responsibility not to settle: "don't waste the pretty".A female perspective is provided by Liz Tucillo, who contributes a sort of call and response to Greg's advice in the book. And it's just as well, because Greg's harsh advice was starting to have me wondering whether he intends for us all to stay single for the rest of our lives. Liz is also direct, in that she points out to Greg that it is extremely hard to find any of these wonderful men that he claims exist out there. She knows, because she's 41, single and living in NYC - very SATC. I know a fair few single ladies myself - well-educated, attractive, well-travelled, and inexplicably single. They expect a lot from their partners and are usually disappointed, and they already have these standards. It's a bit like SATC but without the wardrobe budget. Not pretty. Few of us know many eligible single males - perhaps they're all in LA hanging out with Greg.Some of the "you're worth it" cheering in the book (yes, from Greg) can get a little irritating. Some of the anecdotes are too ridiculous for words, but also strangely feasible. Liz evens him out, but they both have valid points to make, and provide handy checklists and tongue-in-cheek exercises to help us along. The humour saves it all from sounding worthy or preachy, and even if you're not single, you should find it quite entertaining.So, if your dates aren't going well, their advice is to stand strong. Have some standards about what you will and will not tolerate in a relationship. Stick to those standards. And get rid if you see the signs that he's just not that into you. Greg swears that there are men out there who are just waiting to treat us as though they are definitely into us.Simple? Oh yes. These standards are what's keeping us single in the first place. And so it goes.