Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion

Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion

by John Gray


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Can you keep the fires of passion burning?

Men and women have very different physical needs. But Dr. John Gray explains how both can make small but important adjustments in their attitudes, schedules, and techniques so that their partners are happy in the bedroom — and outside of it.

Written with the understanding and unique insight that can come only from Dr. Gray, Mars and Venus in the Bedroom educate men and women on:

  • Advanced bedroom skills for great sex
  • The joys of quickies
  • Why couples are having less sex
  • Passionate monogamy
  • Sexual anatomy and oral sex
  • How to keep the magic of romance alive
  • And much more

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9780060927936
Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
Publication date: 03/01/2005
Edition description: Reprint
Pages: 224
Sales rank: 762,440
Product dimensions: 5.31(w) x 8.00(h) x 0.50(d)

About the Author

John Gray, Ph.D., is one of the world’s leading relationship experts, and an authority on improving communication styles for couples, companies, and communities. His many books have sold more than fifty million copies in fifty different languages worldwide. John lives with his wife and children in northern California.


San Francisco, California

Date of Birth:


Place of Birth:

Houston, Texas


B.A., M.A., Maharishi European Research University; Ph.D., Columbia Pacific University, 1982

Read an Excerpt

Chapter One

One of the special rewards for learning and applying advanced bedroom skills is that sex gets better and better. Like a fabulous vacation after working hard, or a sensual walk through the forest on a sunny spring day, or the exhilaration of climbing to the top of a mountain, great sex is not just a reward but something that can rejuvenate the body, mind, and soul. It brightens our days and strengthens our relationship in the most basic ways.

A great sex life is not just the symptom of a passionate relationship, but is also a major factor in creating it. Great sex fills our hearts with love and can fulfill almost all our emotional needs. Loving sex, passionate sex, sensual sex, long sex, short sex, quick sex, gourmet sex, playful sex, tender sex, soft sex, hard sex, romantic sex, goal-oriented sex, erotic sex, simple sex, cool sex, and hot sex are all an important part of keeping the passion of love alive.

A great sex life is not just the symptom of a passionate relationship, but is also a major factor in creating it.

Great Sex for Women

Great sex softens a woman and opens her to experience the love in her heart and to remember her partner's love for her in a most definite way. Her partner's skillful and knowing touch leaves no doubt in her mind that she is important to him. The hunger for love within her soul is fulfilled with her partner's passionate and fully present attention. An ever-present tension is momentarily released as she surrenders once again to the deepest longings of her feminine being. Her passion to love and be loved can be fullyfelt and fulfilled.

Great Sex for Men

Great sex releases a man from all his frustrations and allows him to rekindle his passion and commitment to the relationship. In a most immediate way, he experiences the results of his efforts. Her fulfillment is his ultimate quest and victory. Her warm responsiveness excites, electrifies, and awakens the deepest fibers of his masculine being. Heaven's gates are opened, and he has arrived! Through her fulfillment, he feels he has made his mark and his love is appreciated. His sometimes hidden but allconsuming and ever-present desire to love and be loved is both felt and satisfied as he returns to his world yet remains deep within her.

Great Sex for the Relationship

Great sex reminds both men and women of the tender and highest love that originally drew them together. The alchemy of great sex generates the chemicals in the brain and body that allow the fullest enjoyment of one's partner. It increases our attraction to each other, stimulates greater energy, and even promotes better health.* It leaves us not only with the sparkle of youthful vitality, but with a heightened sense of beauty, wonder, and appreciation not only for each other, but for the world around us. Great sex is God's special gift to those who work hard to make love a priority in their lives.

The one major characteristic that makes a marriage more than just a loving friendship is sex. Sex directly nurtures our male and female sides more than any other activity a couple can share. Great sex is soothing to a woman and helps keep her in touch with her feminine side, while it strengthens a man and keeps him in touch with his masculine side. Sex has a tremendous power to bring us closer or push us apart.

To create great sex, it is not enough for men or women to follow their ancient instincts. As times have changed, the quality of sex has become much more important. Our mothers couldn't tell us and our fathers didn't know the secrets of great sex. Just as the skills for relating and communicating have changed, so also have the skills for sex. To fulfill our partners in bed, new skills are required.

Without a clear understanding of our different requirements in sex, after a few years -- sometimes only months -- sex be comes routine and mechanical. By making a few but significant shifts, we can completely overcome this pattern.

Women Love Great Sex

Great sex requires a positive attitude about sex. For a man to continue feeling attracted to his partner, he needs to feel that she likes sex as much as he does. Quite often a man will feel defeated in sex because he mistakenly gets the message that his partner is not as interested in it. Without a deeper understanding of how we are wired differently for sex, it is very easy to feel discouraged.

Women love great sex as much as men. The difference between a woman and a man is that she doesn't feel her strong desire for sex unless her need for love is first satisfied. Most important, she first needs to feel loved and special to a man. When her heart is opened in this way, her sexual center begins to open, and she feels a longing equal to or greater than what any man feels. To her, love is much more important than sex, but as the need for love is fulfilled, the importance of sex dramatically increases.

Women love great sex as much as men, but to feel turned on, women have many more requirements.

Even if a woman doesn't feel loved but feels the possibility of being loved, she can begin to feel her deep desires for sex. Generally speaking, however, a man needs only the opportunity and the place to become aroused. In the beginning of a relationship, sexual arousal is much more automatic and quick for a man.

In the beginning of a relationship, sexual arousal is much more automatic and quick for a man.

Different Chemistry

This difference is reflected physiologically. The hormones in a man's body that are responsible for arousal quickly build up and then are quickly released after orgasm. For a woman, the pleasure builds up much more slowly and remains long after orgasm.

Mars and Venus in the Bedroom. Copyright © by John Gray. Reprinted by permission of HarperCollins Publishers, Inc. All rights reserved. Available now wherever books are sold.

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Mars and Venus in the Bedroom: A Guide to Lasting Romance and Passion 3.6 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 20 reviews.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Newly married or not this book is jammed packed with helpful hints and insight on how to make your relationship better in and out of the bedroom. Don't wait for your relationship to be on the rocks to pick up this book. Easy and quick reading. Highly recommended to men and women. A book everyone should read. Thank you John! The book has helped us tremendously.
Guest More than 1 year ago
The only thing I didn't like about this book is Gray tends to make you feel that people who need to be interested in bettering their sex lives are an elite club that only experienced people who have had many partners in the past and are more on the hedonistic side need apply. He even says that women need better quality nowadays because we have, you could say, been around the block many times and are more worldly. It made me feel so left out and bad at times that I even questioned if I should even be trying to improve our sex life since I am 180% from the worldy woman. However, even more worldy and older women in my family got the same feeling! Other than that it is a wonderful book, vintage John Gray! My husband and I learned things that were very profound. There is TOO much useful information to not read this book. If you are like me, try to understand that he is trying to write for the average woman, or what he thinks that is, and this info is meant for you just as much as anybody else. Like many men, he seems to not quite get that to many women, not being promiscuous is a badge of honor and if they were, they don't like to think of themselves of having been that way.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I'm a bit disappointed by the reviews given by others and felt compelled to write my own. I read this book on a lark during my honeymoon 5 years ago. My husband then read the book as soon as I completed it (still on our honeymoon). This is a wonderful book for men & women who celebrate the differences that truly exist. Yes, there are exceptions, there always are, but the sweeping generalities that he makes for the type of couples who embrace their differences and aren't trying to be the SAME, are highly useful. The thing I remember most from this book is that Men have sex to feel love and express it and women need to feel love to have sex. It also expressed the need to do things for each other even if YOU aren't necessarily feeling like it (one reviewer referred to quickies and emotional sex--further explained in the book). If this sounds like your type of lifestyle & relationship, this will be an excellent book to read.
Guest More than 1 year ago
I read this book several years ago. Guys if you want to know what turns women on read this book! As a woman I got more then warm just reading his discriptions on how to caress and excite a woman. I plan on giving it to my son when he gets married as my gift to his wife.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Both men and women can learn to satisfy one another and find the love they both need by applying this book to their love life. The book explains how men and women come to sex through different avenues and how conflict can occur by not understanding this difference. John Gray plainly states the truth,men come into love through sex,and women come into sex through love.John Gray understands that if a woman is not loved first,she will not want to have sex,because her main goal is love,which sometimes seems foreign and etheral to the man,but John Gray gets across very well to the man,what a woman is longing for,and it's security and love. Perfect book for men,because it explains the love needs of a woman.Let's face it, women are basically vunerable and insecure creatures and we need to know the man has respect for us and will love us.
EarthboundNH More than 1 year ago
Very informative book learned a lot.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Throughout this book I get the notion that John Gray is trying to hit the reader with a two by four of bad,simple minded and sexist information and pass it on as 'fact'.A healthy woman aware of her sexuality just does not fit the discription of the neurotic, romantic and love sick,insecure child/woman John Gray presents to the reader.Granted some women are in a narrow frame of thinking and because of that this book might do some good, but it reinforces the sterotypes and makes no effort to change behavior and takes all behavior as innate rather than learned.
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Guest More than 1 year ago
I was given this book by a well-meaning woman at my church during the first year of my marriage. To say the least, I was offended and disappointed by the 'information' presented in this book. The material is sexist and presumptuous to say the least, and does nothing to help men and women understand each other 'in the bedroom.' The overall message I got from this book was that a man's need for sex is more important than a woman's need to have her feelings respected by her husband. The advice he gives for women who aren't in the mood, is to give in to their husbands and just let them have a 'quickie' to satisfy themselves and let the woman get back to what she was doing. This degrades wives and perpetuates the perception of women as sex objects, in my opinion. Gray's other not-so-professional antics include a section on how to tell what kind of sex your wife wants by the color of pajamas she is wearing. Of course, no color is exempt unless it's 'old flannel'. For a good laugh, this book might be worthwhile, but as a meaningful tool to promote a healthy sexual relationship between a man and a woman, this book is absolutely useless, and dare I say harmful.
Guest More than 1 year ago
Gray does nothing but rehash old myths about men and women,the usuall being'men want sex and women need emotional attachment before sex.With these sterotypes running through our society no wonder we have problems.People act out the myths,it's viewed as an innate male/female reality,then John Gray reinforces the myths by saying they are wired and innate.What about women who want a 'quickie' or a man who needs more emotional attachment? These do not exsist in Gray's world because he is trying to sell a book of mass appeal to people who are lost in a gender soup.