Yes, lovemaking does change after 40, but it is still the most thrilling experience two married people of the opposite sex can experience on this earth! In this practical, fun-to-read, illustrated guidebook, Tim and Beverly LaHaye cover a broad spectrum of key topics and show married couples how to experience a more satisfying and joy-filled sex life long after age 40. Millions of married couples have questions about sexual intimacy. Yet all too often, their questions go unasked . . . or unanswered. This easy-reading, medically sound book candidly addresses issues of intimacy. Does sexual desire actually reverse with aging? How does menopause affect a woman's sex drive? How can exercise and nutritional supplements improve our sex life? Is there such a thing as male menopause? What can we do to put more spark into our lovemaking? You'll learn about sexual desire and dysfunction. Understand the risk and temptation of extramarital affairs. Gain a better understanding of menopause and the dangers of breast and prostate cancer. Learn how to prepare for, and adjust to, physical changes affecting lovemaking. You and your spouse can rekindle that sexual spark in your marriage--or build even stronger intimacy and commitment.
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About the Author
Tim LaHaye is a New York Times bestselling author of more than 70 nonfiction books, many on biblical prophecy and end-times. He is the coauthor of the record-shattering Left Behind series and is considered one of America's foremost authorities on biblical end-times prophecy.
Beverly LaHaye (www.cwfa.org) is the bestselling author of the Seasons Series (with Terri Blackstock) and The Act of Marriage (with her husband, Tim). She is the founder and chairwoman of Concerned Women for America and shares a daily devotional commentary on the nationally syndicated radio show Concerned Women Today. She and her husband live in southern California.
Mike Yorkey is the author, co-author, editor, or collaborator of one hundred books. He has written for The Los Angeles Times travel section, Skiing, Tennis Week, World Tennis, City Sports, and Racquet. He lives in Encinitas, California.
Read an Excerpt
This book is unlike any other I have ever written. It should be read only by married couples, those immediately contemplating marriage, and those who counsel married couples.
It is deliberately frank. I have long felt a need for a clear and detailed presentation of the intimate relationship that exists between a husband and wife. Most Christian books on this subject skirt the real issues and leave too much to the imagination; such evasiveness is not adequately instructive. Secular books, on the other hand, often go overboard telling it like it is in crude language repulsive to those who need help. In addition, such books usually advocate practices considered improper by biblical standards.
To keep the facts that every couple needs to know from being offensive, I am writing this book with the help of Beverly, my wife of fifty years. In addition to the delicate sense of balance she brings to this work, I have drawn on her extensive counseling experiences as a minister's wife, conference speaker, and registrar of Christian Heritage College.
Both of us have counseled enough married couples to convince us that an enormous number of them are not enjoying all the blessings of which they are capable or for which God has designed them. We have discovered that many others find the intimacies of married love distasteful and unpleasant. Through the years, we have developed several teaching principles that have helped such people in a relatively short period of time. The requests of counselors, pastors, and others persuaded us that these same principles could help thousands of people if presented in book form.
Before we had had time to begin the project, Dr. Robert K. DeVries, then executive vice president of Zondervan Publishing House, invited us to lunch to present us with the first printed copy of my previous book, How to Win Over Depression. "A book that is sorely needed today, written by a Christian couple, would concern sexual adjustment in marriage," he remarked, "and we would like to ask you two to write it." We thanked him and promised to pray about it.
At first Bev was reluctant to get heavily involved with the endeavor until the Lord gave her a specific sign. Within the next two months she counseled at least ten wives who were averse to sexual intercourse. The success those women soon achieved in their love lives convinced her that God required her active participation in the project.
As we began to read current literature on the subject, convinced that God meant lovemaking to be enjoyed by both partners, we prayed that He would lead us to make this work fully biblical and highly practical. He provided many counseling illustrations and pertinent suggestions from pastors, doctors, and friends, among them Dr. Ed Wheat, a family physician who has prepared a superb series of lectures on the subject. When we met him at our Family Life Seminar in Tulsa, Oklahoma, he presented us with a complete set of his cassettes and graciously offered us the freedom to use anything in them. We recommend these cassettes to every married couple and those planning to be married in the near future; they are unquestionably the finest we have ever reviewed. In fact, Dr. Wheat includes information in them that we have not found in the fifty or more books we have scrutinized on this subject.
Inasmuch as most of the people we counsel are Christians, we concluded through our reading that Christians generally experience a higher degree of sexual enjoyment than non-Christians. However, there was no way to prove our assumption. We then prepared an intimate survey for married couples and offered it to those who have attended our Family Life Seminars. By comparing the responses with those of secular sex surveys, our conclusions were confirmed and other interesting and valuable facts were discovered. The results of our survey appear in chapter 13, and parts of it are scattered through the book.
While we were writing the last chapter of this book, Redbook magazine published a Sexual Pleasure Survey showing the preferences of 100, 000 women. The survey was taken by the magazine and written by Robert J. Levin (coauthor with Masters and Johnson of The Pleasure Bond). The most significant finding of Redbook's survey and the one listed first was that "sexual satisfaction is related significantly to religious belief. With notable consistency, the greater the intensity of a woman's religious convictions, the likelier she is to be highly satisfied with the sexual pleasures of marriage." Naturally we were delighted to find that Redbook's survey revealed results quite similar to those of our survey. On the strength of his research Mr. Levin emphatically confirmed that "strongly religious women (over 25) seem to be more responsive . . . [and] she is more likely than the nonreligious woman to be orgasmic almost every time she engages in sex." This further convinces us that our presupposition is accurate.
No single book by human beings will ever become the last word on any subject; therefore we don't claim this manual on married love to be final. But we do believe it contains much valuable information helpful to almost any married couple, and several of its insights are not currently found in any other book of its kind. We therefore send it out with our prayers that God will use it to enrich both the love and the love lives of those who read it.
Table of Contents
Table of Contents
Introduction: Why the need for this book
One: Love for a Long, Long Lifetime
A couple’s sexual relationship changes with the ages, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing.
Two: The Change of Life
Every woman goes through menopause, which has repercussions regarding the sexual relationship.
Three: The Male Menopause
Is there such a thing? How do men change physically in the forties and fifties?
Four: A Streetcar Named Desire
Women often lose their desire for sex in the midlife years. What can be done?
Five: A Refresher Course
Is your love life in a twenty-year-long wagon rut? If so, here are some tips.
Six: Great Sex at Any Age
Intimacy never goes out of style.
Seven: When You’re Dealing with ED
It’s called EDerectile dysfunction. Here’s why you’re hearing so much about it, and why we’re becoming a Viagra nation.
Eight: Don’t Delay; Go Today
Breast cancer is a terrible modern-day scourge for midlife women. This chapter talks about how breast cancer affects the sexual relationship.
Nine: No Laughing Matter
The male counterpart to breast cancer is prostate cancer, and it’s no laughing matter.
Ten: “In Sickness and in Health”
How does the sexual relationship change when one of the partners is incapacitated or suffering from a disease?
Eleven: The Temptations
The eye can wander in the midlife years, and extramarital liaisons are disastrous affairs.
Twelve: Exercise and Nutrition for a Healthy Sex Life
If you want to keep having a great sex life, you need to get in shape and eat right. Here’s how to do it.
Thirteen: Questions and Answers
This chapter is a grab bag of questions answered by Tim.
Fourteen: The Critical Component
Midlife men and women need more than a great sex life; they also need Jesus.
Fifteen: A Couple with Hope
David and Sonya Moore, in their mid-forties, describe the life of a marriage.
Appendix: The “Act of Marriage After 40 Survey” Results
With comments from Tim La Haye