The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo

The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo

by Amy Schumer

Audio CD(Unabridged)

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2017 Audie Award Finalist for Audiobook of the Year and Narration by the Author


"This is your happy hour with Amy Schumer... It's Bossypants meets Trainwreck meets your long weekend." —TheSkimm

“Amy’s got your back. She’s in your corner. She’s an honesty bomb. And she’s coming for you.” —Actress Tilda Swinton and Trainwreck co-star

The Emmy Award-winning and Tony-nominated comedian, actress, writer, and star of Inside Amy Schumer and the acclaimed films Trainwreck and I Feel Pretty has taken the entertainment world by storm with her winning blend of smart, satirical humor. Now, Amy Schumer has written a refreshingly candid and uproariously funny collection of (extremely) personal and observational essays.

Ranging from the raucous to the romantic, the heartfelt to the harrowing, this highly entertaining and universally appealing collection is the literary equivalent of a night out with your best friend—an unforgettable and fun adventure that you wish could last forever. Whether she’s experiencing lust-at-first-sight while in the airport security line, sharing her own views on love and marriage, admitting to being an introvert, or discovering her cross-fit instructor’s secret bad habit, Amy Schumer proves to be a bighearted, brave, and thoughtful storyteller that will leave you nodding your head in recognition, laughing out loud, and sobbing uncontrollably—but only because it’s over.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781508222002
Publisher: Simon & Schuster Audio
Publication date: 08/16/2016
Edition description: Unabridged
Sales rank: 994,483
Product dimensions: 5.10(w) x 5.70(h) x 0.80(d)

About the Author

Amy Schumer has become one of the most influential figures in the entertainment industry as a stand-up comedian, actress, writer, producer, and director. Her smash hit television series, Inside Amy Schumer, has won a Peabody Award, a Critics’ Choice Television Award, and two Primetime Emmy Awards. She wrote and starred in her first feature-length film, Trainwreck, which dominated the 2015 summer comedy international box office and was nominated for two Golden Globes and won both the Critics’ Choice Award for “Best Actress in a Comedy,” and a Hollywood Film Award for “Comedy of the Year.” She earned a 2018 Tony nomination for her performance in Meteor Shower on Broadway and starred in the 2018 summer hit I Feel Pretty. As a stand-up comedian, she continues to perform to sold-out audiences around the world. Her 2016 tour was voted Pollstar’s Comedy Tour of the Year. Schumer was raised in New York City and Long Island and loves her brother and sister the very most.

Table of Contents

A Note to My Readers 1

An Open Letter to My Vagina 3

My Only One-Night Stand 5

I Am an Introvert 15

On Being New Money 25

An Introduction to My Stuffed Animals 39

Dad 45

Excerpt from My Journal in 1994 (Age Thirteen) with Footnotes from 2016 59

Officially a Woman 63

Camp Anchor 69

How I Lost My Virginity 83

Things You Don't Know About Me 93

Can't Knock the Hustle 99

Excerpt from My Journal in 1999 (Age Eighteen) with Footnotes from 2016 113

Faked It 'til I Maked It 117

Excerpt from My Journal in 2001 (Age Twenty) with Footnotes from 2016 129

Beautiful and Strong 133

Excerpt from My journal in 2003 (Age Twenty-Two) with Footnotes from 2016 145

How to Become a Stand-up Comedian 147

Times It's Okay for a Man to Not Make a Woman Come During Sex 171

The Worst Night of My Life 173

Things That Make Me Insanely Furious 185

Athletes and Musicians 191

Letter to the Editor 203

Secret Bad Habits 213

Mom 225

NYC Apartments 241

Blackouts and Stem Cells 251

An Exciting Time for Women in Hollywood 263

Mayci and Jillian 273

Things That Make Me Happy 283

The Sun Will Come Out Tomorrow 287

What I Want People to Say at My Funeral 301

Rider for the Funeral of Amy Schumer 303

Forgiving My Lower Back Tattoo 307

Acknowledgments 317

Ending Gun Violence 321

Customer Reviews

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The Girl with the Lower Back Tattoo 3.7 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 60 reviews.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I loved so many things about this book. Not just the sense of humor, though it was stellar. I loved hearing someone saying how imperfect they were, but still loved themselves. The honesty is refreshing.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
The most disappointing book ever purchased. Kept hoping it would get out of the gutter, but the juvenile rantings just kept resurfacing. When the leftwing/progressive diatribe about gun control surfaced I had had enough. This $15.00 worth of pure crap has been deleted from my library.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Amy seems like the best friend a person could ask for. Funny, honest, real and loyal. With a huge amount of smart to boot! Keep it real!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
verysmart More than 1 year ago
If you are a 10 year old you may like it. Waste of time and money.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This book is pretty much just garbage.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I love Amy! She's funny, kind, caring, strong, smart and beautiful. This book was hilarious in parts, sad in parts and very serious in parts. But all the parts seemed to come from a very honest place within her. It is so worth the time and money!
Dsaad7 More than 1 year ago
Underscores just how talent challenged Schumer is. I've tried to give her every chance to demonstrate her talent and I can only assume she could possibly be good as a real estate agent.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Loved it
TheLiteraryPhoenix More than 1 year ago
I have always enjoyed Amy Schumer's comedy and TV show and found her a breath of fresh air among comedians. I respect the way she writes things from her experience, even when that goes against the tropes Hollywood is trying to push to its audiences. While I haven't always loved her movies (Trainwrecked was really good though), I do respect her passion and comedy and her insistence in being herself. Whatever you think of her as a comedian and actress, you have to admire her. When I picked up this book, I expected more of the same I saw in 'Inside Amy Schumer'. Instead, The Girl With the Lower Back Tattoo is a series of deeply personal essays and short stories. There is comedy woven in - it comes naturally with Amy's voice - and she write this book with the casual friendliness of an old high school buddy you've been meaning to catch up with. Really, we could have been sitting across from one another and sharing an appetizer and it could not have been more comfortable. The stories she tells are carefully selected not just to be anecdotal, but to peel away her layers. She once ran away as an angry ex-boyfriend brandished a knife after her. From domestic violence to bullying to parental manipulation to struggling against body shame (note: she fully accepts her body, so don't expect a story about overcoming an EO or anything) - Amy Schumer reveals the darkness in her past and how she loves her family and worries about her ex and wants anyone who finds themselves in her stories to blossom and grow and know they are not alone. I was so surprised by this approach, and it makes me love her all that much more. I wholeheartedly recommend this book, but there are a lot of trigger warnings in here. Amy shares her stories hoping people will know they are not alone, but this book should not be read if it will make you feel unsafe. Domestic violence is the big one here. This book is best experienced in its audiobook version, which Amy reads herself. It feels like she is chatting with you, or reading pages out of her childhood diary (which, sometimes, she is).
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Super funny & relatable!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I loved everything about this book!! It was funny, interesting, honest, and incredibly brave for her to put so much of herself out there. Definitely worth the read, and I came away with even more respect for her.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Amy Schumer is a straight talker who reveals quite a bit about her life experiences. The major messages include: 1. Live who you are and let no one put you down, and 2. Continue to fight for better gun control!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Great read. Highly recommend reading it.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Absolutely amazing book!!! I could not put it down. Cannot wait for the next Amy schumer book. If you like comedy and people being real about this is the book!!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Extremely funny and an addicting story...
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
This has been the best book I hve read in a long time i so glad i got to read it . She has gave me another look i life. Well done amy :)
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I don't really follow Amy much or anything but this looked funny. It was even better than I thought. Great stories and laughs!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I liked aamy before...and now i love her. Any memoir you can read and really get to know the person, while being entertained and touched, is an A+to me!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Loved this book! It is both serious and funny but that's what makes it so good. She is real and relatable.
The_Greatest_E More than 1 year ago
Love it!
bumblebee23 More than 1 year ago
If I had read rather than listened I may have rated this one lower, but listening to Amy herself was entertaining. She made me laugh, grossed me out a few times, and shocked me quite a bit. She keeps it real and I respect that. I definitely recommend the audiobook!!!
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
Don't waste your money. Terrible.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I'm not sure where all the hate comes from with Amy. I'm on the go and couldn't wait any longer to hear this book so I cheated and got the audiobook version. Maybe because Amy herself reads the book I got a different experience rather than those who read it themselves and didn't like it. You really feel all the emotions she has felt. She actually helped me with certain things by turning to humor. She does it best and I was very happy with this book. Anyone with a stick up their behind may not care for it...but if you can't have a laugh at your life then don't pick this book. Other than that, PICK IT UP. It was worth it.