The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star (Ten Year Anniversary Edition)

The Heroin Diaries: A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star (Ten Year Anniversary Edition)

by Nikki Sixx

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In honor of the ten-year anniversary of The Heroin Diaries, Nikki Sixx’s definitive and bestselling memoir on drug addiction is reissued with exclusive new content. This shocking, gripping, and at times darkly hilarious memoir explores Nikki’s yearlong war with a vicious heroin addiction. Now more than ever, with opioid addiction ravaging our country and rising by twenty percent in the past year alone, Nikki’s story of both his descent into drug-addled decay and subsequent recovery and transition into a rehabilitation advocate are now more relevant than ever.

When Mötley Crüe was at the height of its fame, there wasn’t any drug Nikki Sixx wouldn’t do. He spent days—sometimes alone, sometimes with other addicts, friends, and lovers—in a coke- and heroin-fueled daze.

The highs were high, and Nikki’s journal entries reveal some euphoria and joy. But the lows were lower, often ending with Nikki in his closet, surrounded by drug paraphernalia and wrapped in paranoid delusions.

Here, Nikki shares the diary entries—some poetic, some scatterbrained, some bizarre—of those dark times. Joining him are Tommy Lee, Vince Neil, Mick Mars, Slash, Rick Nielsen, Bob Rock, and a host of ex-managers, ex-lovers, and more.

Brutally honest, utterly riveting, and surprisingly moving, The Heroin Diaries follows Nikki during the year he plunged to rock bottom—and his courageous decision to pick himself up and start living again.

Product Details

ISBN-13: 9781416525325
Publisher: MTV Books
Publication date: 09/18/2007
Format: NOOK Book
Pages: 448
Sales rank: 12,900
File size: 70 MB
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About the Author

International rock icon Nikki Sixx is one of the founding members of Mötley Crüe and Sixx:A.M., a two-time New York Times bestselling author of The Heroin Diaries and This Is Gonna Hurt, co-founder of rock couture fashion line Royal Underground, philanthropist, photographer, and host of the nationally syndicated radio show Sixx Sense, which airs on over 115 stations, and The Side Show Countdown. As the creative force behind a multitude of projects, Sixx never stops inventing new ways to express himself and continues to unveil his unusual points of view with new projects. In addition to selling over 100 million albums with Mötley Crüe and Sixx:A.M., songs written by Sixx have been used in national commercials, his photographs have been published by the New York Post, and he’s raised several hundred thousand dollars through his Running Wild In The Night charity for Covenant House California.

Read an Excerpt

Van Nuys, 7:30 p.m.

Merry Christmas.

Well, that's what people say at Christmas, right? Except normally they have somebody to say it to. They have their friends and family all around them. They haven't been crouched naked under a Christmas tree with a needle in their arm like an insane person in a mansion in Van Nuys.

They're not out of their minds and writing in a diary and they're not watching their holiday spirit coagulating in a spoon. I didn't speak to a single person today...I thought of calling Bob Timmons, but why should I ruin his Christmas?

I guess I've decided to start another diary this time for a few different reasons...

1. I have no friends left.

2. So I can read back and remember what I did the day before.

3. So if I die, at least I leave a paper trail of my life (nice lil suicide note).

Merry's just you and me, diary. Welcome to my life.

BOB TIMMONS: By Christmas 1986, Nikki had been addicted to heroin and cocaine for at least a year, possibly longer. As a drug counselor, I first met Nikki when MÖtley CrÜe's manager, Doc McGhee, called me in to work with the band's singer, Vince Neil. Nikki was initially very hostile to me; he tried to get me barred from going backstage or being around them.

Nikki and I slowly formed a relationship, and early in 1986 he asked me for help with his own addictions. I advised him to go into a rehab center but he refused and said he didn't need to. He was very stubborn on that issue.

Over the years I have worked with platinum-selling artists from the Rolling Stones to the Red Hot Chili Peppers and all points in between, and let me make one thing clear from the start-MÖtley CrÜe, more than anybody, wrote the book for decadence and partying. In that area they were the most extreme people I ever met, and Nikki was the most extreme of all. For many years, Nikki had one motto: I'm going to do exactly what I want to do, and fuck everybody else.

Van Nuys, 2:10 a.m.

Jason came over again today. I was there is a Santa Claus, after all. He came mooching in, with his greasy James Dean hair and his junkie eyes that are sunk so deep in his elongated face that he looks like he's wearing makeup, and he stood by the tree and asked me how my Christmas had been. Like he he doesn't know already that it was exactly the same as his. Sometimes Jason pisses me off when he tries to make small talk. He asked me how much gear I wanted, and I asked, how much have you got? And he gave me this contemptuous, sneering look and said, that must be nice...

His Betty Page-wannabe Goth girlfriend Anastasia isn't much better. Oh, she's nice enuff, but I know on the inside I'm just her meal ticket to an easier, softer life. I know she tells Jason to jump when I call because she, more than he, wants the money. Not just for the junk, they make enuff off me to maintain their cheap little habits, but she likes to decorate their little one-room rat's nest with the extra money they have left over. That's the real reason she demands he comes at my beck and call...she likes that extra cash for thrift shops and secondhand stores.

I see her as a sorta Suzie Homemaker from Hell, but it's all just a fantasy-she's stuck with a habit too...

NIKKI: My dealer Jason and I had a real love-hate relationship. I loved him because I could pick up the phone and he'd be over in twenty minutes with everything I needed. I hated him because it was killing me. He loved me because I gave him hundreds (sometimes thousands) of dollars on a daily basis. He hated me because I was a spoiled millionaire rock star who could have anything I wanted whenever I wanted it, and usually did.

I used to ride a Honda Shadow motorcycle around the Valleys with my shirt off, totally out of my mind. One time Jason started talking about Harleys and how much he loved them. Tommy had one, so the next day I just went out and bought one and rode it to Jason's house to score. He was furious: it was his dream bike, he'd shown me a picture of it and I'd bought it. He thought I was such a spoiled brat.

Jason was as fucked on heroin as me. He was a tall, skinny guy who in another life could have been a model, or something, but he really just came off looking like a corpse. That was the real reason he hated me: we were both living for drugs, but I could afford as many as I wanted.

Van Nuys, 4:15 a.m.

The best part of freebase is before the first hit. I love that moment, right before I put the glass pipe to my lips...that moment when everything is sane, and the craving, the salivating, the excitement all feel fresh and innocent. It's like foreplay...the ache that's always better than the orgasm.

Yet as soon as I hit the pipe, within 30 seconds all hell breaks lose in my brain...and I keep on doing it and doing it and doing it and doing it, and I can't stop. Every day that I sit here and write, it's always the same. So-why? Why do I do this? I hate it...I hate it so much, but I love it even more.

The worst part of freebase is running out. But I have a new jones-speedballs of any kind. The junk just isn't enough anymore...I feel like I'm only halfway there...

TOMMY LEE: Back around Girls Girls Girls, we were starting to make shitloads of money. With money came success, power, overindulgence and experimentation. Sixx and I, in particular, took a lot of narcotics, and he would always want to push things: "Hey, how about taking these two drugs together? How about heroin and cocaine at the same time?" That period led us to this really dark fucking place. We all went to that place at various times-but Nikki seemed to like it there more than any of us.

Van Nuys, 9:40 p.m.

After I binged last night-or was it tonight-I was convinced yet again that there were people coming to get me. It was more than just shadows and voices, more than just was real, and I was scared to my core.

My bones were heart was pounding...I thought I was going to explode. I'm glad I have you to talk to, to write this down...I tried to keep it all together, but then I gave in to the madness and became one with my insanity...

I always end up in the closet in my bedroom. Let me tell you about that place, my closet. It's more than a closet-it's a haven for me. It's where I keep my dope and where I keep my gun. I know when I'm in there I'm safe, at least until I get too high. I can't be out in the house-there are too many windows and I know I'm being watched. Right now it seems impossible that cops are peering in from the trees outside or people are looking at me thru the peeohole at the front door. But when the drugs kick in I can't control my mind...

Today, last night feels like a lifetime ago. But the sick thing is I could do it again tonight.

NIKKI: This was the crazy routine I had at the time. I would start out freebasing or mainlining anywhere in the house: the front room, the kitchen, the bathroom. But as soon as the coke-induced psychosis kicked in, as soon as the insanity began, I would make a beeline for my bedroom closet. That was my refuge. I would huddle in there, surrounded by my drug paraphernalia and guns, convinced that people were in the house trying to get me, or a SWAT team was outside preparing to bust me. I would be too scared to move until I came down. The only way to bring myself down quicker was heroin. Heroin would make the madness go away: it was the easy solution. It seemed to make sense at the time.

Van Nuys, 4:30 p.m.

I've been thinking about last Christmas Eve when I picked up that girl in a strip club, brought her back here on my bike, took her home the next day, then had Christmas dinner all by myself in McDonald's. I haven't made much progress I see.

Today I'm listening to Exile on Main Street, reading, laying around...tanning in the backyard, I feel like my old self. Sometimes I feel like I have two personalities. One is Nikki and one is...Sikki.

ROSS HALFIN: As a photographer I've shot MÖtley CrÜe many times over the years for magazines and got particularly close to Nikki. I remember the first time I ever met him in LA we got on pretty well and decided to go for a drink that night. We sat talking in a booth. Vince Neil was in another booth with a girl, arguing, and Vince suddenly stood up and punched her in the face. I asked Nikki, "Should we sort it out?" And Nikki just laughed and said, "Let them sort it out themselves."

Copyright 2007 © Nikki Sixx

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The Heroin Diaries : A Year in the Life of a Shattered Rock Star 4.5 out of 5 based on 0 ratings. 23 reviews.
Anonymous 4 months ago
I do not normally write reviews but after reading The Dirt I felt I had to read this book. It does not let down. It's a pedal to the metal, roller coaster ride, of one of Rock's most misunderstood musicians. I loved the way it was written and the illustrations are a welcome bonus.
Anonymous 5 months ago
It always amazes me how much disaster pain can consume without killing itself. Love and truth of self always end the pain we so eagerly try to kill in chemicals. Love on rocker
Anonymous 6 months ago
Anonymous 7 months ago
Anonymous 11 months ago
Much has been made about the authenticty of this recently ,that a junkie wouldnt keep.a.diary of his thoughts yet alone remember to jot them down. Either way its a decent read
Anonymous 11 months ago
I couldn’t put the book down!
Anonymous 12 months ago
Behind the curve of time reading this now, but Nikki's 80s were this Niki's 00s. His words wouldn't have resonated before I manifested my own angst through debauchery - and put it behind distance and perspective. It takes one to know one. And damn - major respect for putting it out there like he does. Makes me more courageous. But if all that doesn't resonate because your life is free of horrific demons, it's worth the read for the many moments of laugh-out-loud entertainment, wholly inappropriate and at other's expense - but holy sh**, hilarious nonetheless. Or maybe for it, depending on your predilections. I really hope there isn't a former 12 year old girl out there in some way traumatized. The milenials must loath this book, and it's cousin The Dirt. Good. I hope this Crue revival triggered with The Dirt movie stimulates renewed appreciation for real music and real people, and puts a muzzle on people vacuous enough to be offended by anything not processed through PC filters. Life isn't PC. Thanks for sharing Nikki Fu**ing Sixx.
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
I am a long time 80's Big Hair Band left over love The Crue read this book last summer so good reliving the concerts crazy named daughter NIKKI Love
Anonymous More than 1 year ago
justablondemoment on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Awesome book. While I was never a huge Motely Crew fan, they were very big among my generation. The stories and headlines circulating about there music and behavior were legend. Now I know that what was said about them individually and as a group are true. WOW is all I can'll be stunned to.
go_devils006 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Reading this book is about as close as you can come to a drug addiction without actually having walked that path. The book itself is addicting and very, very dark. Nikki Sixx and Motley Crue are some of the most notorious rockers of all time and they paid the price dearly. At the height of their fame in the mid-late eighties, Nikki Sixx was suffering from a debilitating addiction to cocaine and heroin, complete with paranoia and hallucinations. It occurred to him at the time, to keep a diary of his battles with his addiction. This book offers a uniquely honest look into the mind of an addict to a degree that can never be accomplished in a retrospective memoir. What Nikki has been through is shocking and it is even more shocking that's he's come out the other side and is still rocking.
KatherineGregg on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
The book was constructed in such a way that made it an interesting read and not just an indulgent year in the life of a drug addict. Sixx's diary entries from 1987, a year of heavy drug and alcohol abuse, are punctuated with commentary from friends, family (and Sixx) twenty years later, adding dimension and perspective to the story. The portrait his diary paints is ugly but he is strong enough to recover, confront his demons and carry on to lead a creative and productive life. I don't think that the reader needs to be a Motley Crue fan (which I am not) nor a Nikki Sixx fan (which I am) in order to enjoy this book. I didn't know much about Nikki Sixx and had no idea that he was such an artist. The soundtrack that goes along with the book makes it an even more interesting work.
RevrendJimmy on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This book will make you look at your life differently, and show you how even in the worst situations, you can turn yourself around. Recommended to anyone, really. Well written and edited. I loved it, and wished it didn't end so soon :)
AlyssaE on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This book is great. You really get a look into nikkis life and the struggle that he went through. This book i think can be an inspiration to some but, just a great book to read for others. This book has really surprising scenes, and there are some things that nikki does that you wouldn't believe. so if you haven't read it i would recommend reading.
RockStarNinja on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I love Motley Crue and I LOVE Nikki Sixx . . .I found the book to be both hilarious at times (Vanity is a wack-a-doodle) and terribly sad. It takes guts to not only tell your story, but to do it in such a way that people can really feel what was happening to you at that time . . . If you can read the book while listening to the album, depending on the timing it gets eerie at times.
sharon102796 on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
I was in my early 20s in the late 80s and my sister was a huge Motley fan. This was such a sad story about having it all but not being able to appreciate it. Glad Sixx pulled it together somewhat at the end.
1Ashaynad on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
A great book about the struggles Nikki sixx goes through in his life. From accidently killing a friend when drunk to trying to pay the bills, and being rich now. Its amazing and shows people how not glamorous lifestyles of the rich and famous are.
qwiksilver on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
It was like watching a car crash in slow motion. A car crash I've watch a lot of other young musicians do in Hollywood. They were not as famous, and a few of them are dead. Reading the book did make me chuckle in one place: When Nikki describes his theory of bathing, I was reminded of an exchange in a club: "Did a skunk just get in?" "Nah, Nikki just arrived." My world was on the periphery of his. We never met, but we both saw the mayhem and darkness of those days. Glad he made it out and hope the proceeds from the book saves a few kids along the way.
TheScrappyCat on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Not a bad book, harrowing at times. I like these cautionary memoirs/biographies--these guys have lived fast, intense lives and those lives are fascinating to read about. Sixx managed to come out the other side of heroin addiction, where so many others have not. Worthwhile reading.
klarusu on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
This is a classic rock tome - an accompaniment to the Motley Crue autobiography 'The Dirt'. It comprises the diary entries of a year in the life of Nikki Sixx, chronicling his descent into the throes of drug addiction whilst The Crue follow a brutal tour schedule supporting 'Girls, Girls, Girls'.The diary entries are a brutal portrayal of the wreck Nikki Sixx was during this time. What stands out amidst the carnage of a serious substance abuse issue is the loneliness of someone who, to all intents and purposes, appears to be at the height of his fame and popularity - what wasn't apparent to the coterie that surrounded him at this time was that he was spiralling towards a personal nadir, in contrast with the public high. For the honesty with which they describe Sixx's state of mind at the time, the diary alone is interesting, but for me, what really makes this book is the peronal retrospectives appended to each entry by many of the protagonists. It's this present day perspective that lends depth to the exercise and makes it more than just a depressing catalogue of drug-fuelled excesses.Perhaps the most interesting part of the book, when taken in the context of what has gone before, is the final chapter where Nikki Sixx brings his 'life since then' up-to-date. It is through this that the reader gets a window onto the man that he has become, more comprehensible for the view we've had of the man he was.Got to worry when you begin to think that Tommy Lee was the most sorted one of the lot!
kawika on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
It was a brave decision for Nikki Sixx to delve into his past and bring The Heroin Diaries out into the light for all to scrutinize. The book is an interesting mix of memoir and hindsight analysis. Nikki has taken his diary, that was kept beginning on Christmas day in 1986 through the Christmas of 1987, and released it, warts and all, for public consumption in the hopes of helping a few people out. It documents a dark time in his life where he battled the dragon while chasing it every once in a while.Throughout the diary, you get a peek into the thoughts of a junkie. Of course, we're never sure how honest the thoughts are, as he is obviously lying even to himself and the diary at some points. Nikki also enlisted the help of friends, family, and business associates who added their own version of some of the events and their insights, as well. He also engages in the exercise of relating what he did to how he feels today and how his actions have affected him and others.This is a fabulous addendum to Motley Crue's biography, The Dirt, as it takes a piece of time and expands it in a very personal way. It illustrates how someone can be king of his domain yet still be completely out of control and out of touch, creating his own reality of addiction and paranoia.Proceeds from the book go to Nikki's favorite charity, Running Wild in the Night, which helps homeless teens on the streets of Hollywood, making it well worth the purchase price.
jkovach on LibraryThing More than 1 year ago
Interesting read, all the famous people linked together.
Anonymous 12 months ago